Letting go of the past, improving yourself, moving on

It has been two years since I left UTM, three years since I started college life, and four years since I took SPM. After I left UTM I am not a very jolly person. I am very depressed to leave a public university, leaving my friends and achievements behind. The worst thing is I chose to study at MMU, an expensive private university, with expensive living expense. My parents suggested this but we never examined how much the fees are, and I was clueless at the moment due to depression. Since MARA suspended my tuition fee loan , father paid all the money, borrowing money from my sister. I am sad and very unproud of myself. If I talked to the deans of UTM, didn't care that much about not-so-bad CGPA at UTM, I could've continued IT program at UTM. Maybe if I made the right decision, I might have not feeling depressed and actually want to continue studying. But all is past.

Everyone moves one.

While I'm stuck in nowherestate, my friends move on. They participated in various activities, making themselves and their parents proud. They study overseas, doing this and that, posting happy statuses on facebook etc etc.

I'm jealous.
I want to be jolly again.

I'm sad.
They move on, continuing their lives, leaving whatever in the past behind.

I'm happy.
They move on. My friends move on.
At least they're not me. I am not a person that everyone remembers, but I'm happy to know them, to watch them grow, to know they didn't stumble in life like me.

I currently still am in a stumbled state. I will stand up. It's hard, but I won't give in to depression. I will study, but not for the same reason I studied for like 11 years, for SPM, because parents say so. No. Just to get a job. Have some money. Help people when I can. Participate in IT development. Whatever I can do.

I will do what I can to be a 'pendakwah', because that is the purpose I'm here.

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